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Location: Whitewater, Wisconsin, United States

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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Birthday Bomb, Trucker Bomb....its all the same

Well my birthday came and went and blah, I was thinking about it and I realized 22 was probably one of the worst years of my life [My A key isn’t working the best so if I miss a few A’s that’s why] I lived at home with my parents where I had my mother talk to the cat more then she talked to me. I never had a girlfriend or any remotely close opportunities to get one, except for that one girl who already had 2 kids and was only 21 which makes me sick. I never had sex once which makes me miserable knowing that all my friends are ether screwing on a regular basis or have had sex with in the last year. So it seems that every birthday after 21 it gets worse and worse. Also started cutting myself regularly to try and deal with the mental pain and to top it off I gained back all the weight I lost when living alone before. Though now that I am living away from home I have set a few goals that I would like to try and follow through with by the time I turn 24. But as far as my “party” goes the one I had a few days before my actual birthday the only person I knew there was whytey, who apparently didn’t realize even though I remember telling him to have people around because I was planning on this being by birthday party. The closest thing to a birthday party was the System concert on Friday which was fun, however the excessive amount of driving I had to do was getting to me but oh well, I got a free concert ticket and a free tank of gas out of it. But the moral of the story is hopefully 23 will be a better year and the 24th party will be better. Next thing is: One thing I have been noticing within the past couple of weeks that is confusing me is that Andera is acting like I am incapable of having any emotion. So why would someone who is not capable of having emotion cut them selves or why would they want to die on such a regular basis, if one has no emotion then emotional pain wouldn’t exist, and well I'm sure the circular logic is quite obvious. I think I have more to say but I'm too tired, will post when can see straight.