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Location: Whitewater, Wisconsin, United States

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Friday, August 26, 2005

what will the murdious bastads do next

OK i'm going to write all i can in 10 mns: for those of you who dont know yet the christian televangilist Pat Robertson (which is probally most of you) the otherday he advocated assassinating the democratically elected preisdent of Venesualia (excuse the shitty spelling but i gotta get up early tomorrow) as long as the oil still flowed alright ya know what fuck it, i'm too pissed to write, the more i see whats done in the name of this religion the more pissed i am so instead i'm going to tell my version of the aristocrats story which i am hoping is the most offensive version EVER (yes it is better heard then read so bear with me)

A father and daughter who is about twelve years old walk into a telleant agents office and say they have an idea for a new show, the tellent agent that he isnt really into family things, being too clean however after 10 minutes of begging he finally agrees to see what they have to offer. At which point classical music is being qewed up on a cd player and the daughter springs to her legs, taking her jacket off revealing a gymnastics uniform. whihle the daughter is engaging in the splits the father grabs the daughter's inner thigh and begins to slip his hand into her crotch. imediately the daughter looks disturbed and tells her dad to stop it but he continues untill she screems if he dosent stop she will cry rape. The Father replies by its not rape if its dead, followed by slamming her head into the hard tile flooring at which point brain matter shoots out on the floor, the daughter is obviously dead, as evident by loosing control of her colon and shit and blood covers the dancing uniform. While taking his pants off the father says now its time for the real show, ripping off her clothing he grabs as much grey matter, shit, and piss as he can and putting it in her lifeless corsp. After making out for abotu a minute he pulls her overobsorbed tampon from her snatch and begins fucking her, as he is building up for climax he pulls out, sticks the used tampon in her mouth and fanally shoots his load into her now blue face. Lastly he sucks as much of this morbid concucksion out, swllows the entier thing with the string of the tampon hang out of his mouth, which he spits into the tellent agent's coffee cup like a tea bag. Now for the longest time the tellent agent dosent say a word and finally he takes the used tampon out of his coffee mug, takes a sip and says it is the most facinating show he has ever seen and asks what its called. The Father replies the aristocrats. Right as the father is putting his pants back on the tellent agent asks one question: "So how did you get the special effects like that to work"


I am hopiing this is the most offensive eversion of the joke ever its not so funny as much as it is offensive: by my count it includes incestious peto-necro-fecal-cannibal-felia, lemme know if you can think of anything more offensive

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Aristocrasts

Since its almost 4 in the morning i'll make it brief: everyone has to see the Aristocrats, it is the funniest, most offensive movie ever

http://www.spschat.com/RareMedia/videos/southparkjoke-thearistocrats.wmv

watch this southpark clip and tell me that its not fucked up