Railside's Home

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Location: Whitewater, Wisconsin, United States

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

update

OK let me be direct in saying i want to do a longer post and when i have the free time i will but quickly things i need to comment on-
1. for the remainder of this week and dunno about next i work 10 hours a day
2. whytey is an asshole: i call him at midnight asking if he wants to hang out, he says he is drinking and invites me to join, i ask if i can crash there and he says no....fucking asshole agreeded to do it friday but everyone knows thats not going to happen
3. side note to that it sucks having virtually no friends that actually like to go out and drink or if they do they dont do it because of what their boyfriends might say **points to andera**in addition are not alcholics
4. the people i work with seem worse by the day without goinig into great detale (because i'll do that when i have more time) Marx was not only onto somthing with the differentination of class structure but he did not nearly go far enough in differentinating the two classes....you know what i probally should go to sleep but fuck it i need to rant about this more. Im I out of touch by thinking the following things because these points because these are all points that have been brought up in work some time or other (mostly within the past month just to give a general frame of refrence): A. its bad to get more then 3 DUIs, and not only still drive w/o a liscense but continue to drive drunk with out one B. dropping out of HS shortly after you turn 18 to make slightly more then minimum wage C. denouncing abortion while at the same time having unprotected sex with multipal partners D. refusing to take birth control for no reason E. if getting impregnating one of the partners or becoming impregnated saying abortion is out, adoption isnt a very good option so lets keep the child F. assuming its the governments responsability to help support their life even though the government had nothing to do with it G. use any government aid such as wellfair or food stamps to buy alchol or other drugs H. having the majority of your friends and acquaintces being addicted to an illegal substance namely crack I. saying its no big deal they're addicted because everyone goes through "that phase" J. being endonctornated to think if one works harder at a job of that nature will make some how earn them more money K. sacraficing unpaid personal time at a job that pays wages L. having the idology that that job is one of the best jobs out there M. thinking a "good" attainable job is a rock star or professional athleat N. assuming your co worker is a "fucking dumbass fucking motherfucker" because he asks about metaphysical ideals rather then the march MADNESS (dont know what that stands for exactly but whatever) O. showering on a bi weekly basis is normal P. not knowing what a ruble is much less its value to the dollar Q. saying inviesting money is the dumbest thing one can do with it because your're just going to die anyways R. not eating every day is normal S. not drinking every day is abnormal T. thinking typing is only for administrative assisstants U. thinking women's job should be in the house cleaning, cooking, taking care of the children, and screwing her man while he brings a whole 6.90/hour V. having your wife do the same job as you and still expect the same from her W. going to get fresh meat means going in your back yard and killing a chicken X. assuming your supervisor is in the position he is in because he does your job better then you Y. hating someone because they're skin is a different color isnt racist but complaining that someone cant speak english is Z. interviewing you are highly under qualified for and recieving a job you are grossly over qualified for.
well that about wraps up what i wanted to write in an essay in 26 simple things i find wrong with my job i'm sure i could think of more but I'm not sure if i'm spelling any of this right much less speaking cogmoherently
5. within 2 semesters i am going back to school, away from the midwest dosent have to be hawaii, i would be happy with CALI or NYC, i'm just tired of small town moralistic hick trailer trash and i'm not goiing to put up with it anymore
6. everyone has been bitching about the schaivo case and saying oh its so sad crap.....whats sad is somoene hasnt taken a 44 magnum and blown her brains out.
7. lastly in future posts i have been doing some thinkning about why i was sucidial for so long and i have came up with with some interesting conclusions but i'm too pissed off from work so i will write about work now and that later

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Paul

OK everything in this post is going to be in reguards to paul so since I don’t have a lot of time lets go down the list one at a time of things that need to be discussed:

  1. the ushering thing for starters: I don’t know whether I should have been honored or insulted that you chose me as a last resort since everyone else canceled on you but that’s not the point anymore. Now the point is you basically invited me to be your usher and then decided I wasn’t good enough or something and uninvited me, because of two couples in love bullshit. Whatever I really don’t care its just fucking rude, inconsiderate, and low class to invite me to do something then casually uninvited me because of whatever dumbass reason. It really doesn't matter because I am going to be working then anyways- and don’t say I'm bitching for nothing because I was contemplating quitting my job for the occasion. And as for why I didn’t comment before now- usually weddings are a serious affair and I thought something of that caliber should be discussed in person- not that it matters now.
  2. as for the you never calling thing guess what when I wrote that you called James saying “what’s Ralph’s problem with me” because the two of us are the same person, and he really knows what’s going through my head at all times. In fact you never called me about it at all rather you sent me a series of text msges saying some crap like “I call everyone and no one cares why should you be any different” Yes you call everyone because you have called me (excluding last night) since September that’s why I ranted then about you never calling and now. So you get on the being a bad friend kick and apologizing for it- but never doing anything about it, to feel sincerely regretful one takes actions to change their behavior- not perpetuate it.
  3. With respect to last night it seems to be a series of miscommunications: everyone got screwed last night, I thought I said I was going to call you when we got to the bowling alley but I don’t remember now.
  4. In regards to next weekend Sun. 12:15 AM inviting you to forum or webs (forum has better food and waiters), also inviting you to MPC between 8:00 ish and 9:00 ish) I will call you to let you know on sat.
  5. if you want to get a hold of me during the week best way is through tmail or through WOW can take phone calls between 2:30 and 3:20, 9:30 and 9:55 and midnight-3AM
  6. I cannot speak for others but the reason I haven’t responded to your bachelor’s party is on my last check I took home 276$ for the entire week, about 50 went to gas, another 30 went to food and the rest I have to save. In short I cant afford that type of bachelor party- if you wanna get a case of whiskey, and a few strippers maybe it would be more affordable. But if anyone is willing to drive the long painful grueling 20 mns (sarcasm) I would still be interested in hosting a LAN party.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Extra time

Well the server crashed afew mns ago and i'm not quite tired so i'm not sure how far this post is going to go so take what you will ignore the rest. So today at work i really noticed the significant difference in social class i have with alot of my co workers. For instance the only person i know that has ever tried crack before is slutty as opposed to my adam whose a good 85% of his friends have ether done it, currently addicted or formerly addicted to it- not sure if this is class really since there are drug problems everywhere in society. one thing that i do know is a class difference is how we feel the government should help others. right now i'm going under the logic: the government didnt knock up girl x 5 times (yes the person we were talking about has 5 different kids from 5 different guys) why should the government (our tax dollars) be forced to pay for their screw up. at which point he began to tell me how it takes a village to raise a child but the seccond i bring up abortion the idology "they made teh mistake they should be responsible enough to deal with it" it seems like alot of the prolatariet class wants to exist in an economicly liberal social conservative enviroment based off of that and most fundimentalist conservatives want dule conservativeism, i just wonder how much longer its goiing to take people to realize the way to fixing this country is by having liberal social, conservative economic issues......if you get pregnet to recieve another wellfair check your next pregnancy should have a one way trip to the planned parenthood clinic.
next issue i need to rant about: so the other day jehovias witness came to my door again wanting to speak to me since i am the one who engaged them in a way that was niether agreeing, nor negative nor submissive....maybe condisending is the key word...but reguardless of that tonight on milton rosenberg they were talking about this "religion" and its beliefs in blood basically long story short they refuse to get blood transfussions for some holy bullshit reason, some kid died because of it and people are pissed in CA i think.....i say if they dont want to give their children (who have been in accidents) blood, they should have to watch their children (with their eyes open in a clockwork orange style apparatis) bleed to death and see who long they decide to say modern medicne is the devils tool but i'm really tired and i'm really pissed so maybe nothing i said makes sence other then the server is down but reguardless i'm going to bed

Monday, March 07, 2005

wow

so i got to work today and everyone was being kinda quite so after asking afew people i discover that someone i worked with died from a car wreck. The story behind it is this: this guy at work got his girlfriend hired on the company, on friday she called in "sick" and long story short she was cheating on her bf that night, went home drunk and got killed....most people would feel sorry- i say she got what she diserved.....well given what a preppy snot nosed brat she was maybe being a druling vegitable would have been better not entirely sure of that one yet

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Revolations

If you are looking at the timestamp before reading this: no i am not getting ready to kill myself, quite the opposite i just have new working hours and i can stay up later because of it. on that note let me address verious persons in the order which i think of them Paul: contacting each other seems to be a challenge and i think its more that we have conflicting scheduals then anything else, hopefully that will change but who knows, sorry i cant do your bachlor party primarily due to lack of interest in what you are doing partially to money i need to allocate to other sources: however if you want to have your lan party here i could host it for you free of charge and unlike milwaukee pc it would NOT have to end at midnight. Jason: i'm assuming you never took the time to read my last post (or any others for that matter) so i am chalking it up to you just need to grow up alot, i'm sure college is helping with that but you have a very long way to go. Andera: I'm sure i misunderstood what you said, happens some times. Andera's mother: if you want to post somthing on my blog feel free to, unless the thing where only certain people can post and i will try to disable it again (damn blogger but still better then lj)
Now getting on to what i was saying before tonight i hung out with whytey which was cool he brought the girl he was hooking up with at this day of the week which would normally make me depressed however it didnt and while i was driving home i began to think about a number of things including that a year ago i was with beth and i was happier but thinking about it i'm not sure if i would classify it as happyness exactly as much as i would contentment. I also realized that killing myself wont make me happy, nor depressed, nor content it would make me nothing (and yes i know the cynics out there will say "i have told you that a thousand times" but some things, this one of them you can be told time and time again but if you dont realize it on your own under your own terms it dosent matter ie self realization) so at this point in time i dont think i am going to kill myself, not because i am scared of death, or pain or whose feelings it will hurt but more because its not what i want. realizing that the world is a highly dynamic system is what i am considering one of my first steps to sanity. the next is becoming a dynamic individual and not to remain static- that was jame's problem with aj and is/was my problem with life. so i suppose these are all steps in the right direction. As far as the relationship thing goes andera made one point that i have been turning over in my head ever since and that namely is anything worth your time and effort is worth working for (somthing like that at least) the part that caught my mind was "working for". I am still theorizing this so my ideas are not fully complete. However what i have so far is this: work implies an acquired skill which this obvioulsy is that i knew, however looking more into this concept it also implese some sort of training which needless to say also implies pratice. But if one looks more indepth into work implicitally one must know not only how to perform the work but they must also know what spacifics are involved. Or simpally put doing the work is step 2, knowing what the work is step one, not sure where i fall in this probally between 1 and 1.5. i'm sure some of you are relieved that i'm not on the virge of killing myself, others dissapointed: personally i am just left with many questiions and few answers